Saturday, April 19th, 2014

Heidi composed Peter's obituary which will appear in tomorrow's Portland Press Herald:

Peter Albert Graf passed away at home on 4/14/14, with his loving wife Jutta and daughter Heidi by his side.

Born 9/10/34 in Basel, Switzerland to Samuel Graf and Elisabeth Lindegger he was raised as an only child. Growing up he learned to swim and sail the Rhine River, was on a rowing team, became an expert skier and biked the challenging hairpin passes up and down the mountains of Switzerland. 

After a business apprenticeship in a hardware store in Basel, he joined Swissair, with the goal of traveling the world. At age 24 he was transferred to NYC. There he started out as a reservations agent. With only rudimentary English skills he begged his co-workers for help, one of them being Jutta Herion, who was happy to help this dashing 6’4 man. 

In 1960 Peter and Jutta married and embarked on what was to be a rich and adventurous life. In 1963 they welcomed their son Mark, followed by their daughter Heidi in 1965. Together they moved many times between the American and European continents, making friends along the way. In 1980, while living in Switzerland,  Peter and Jutta opened their arms to Lan and Hai Vu, two Vietnamese children who had fled their country by boat and needed a foster home.

In 1983 Peter attained his dream job with Swissair. He became General Manager for North and Central America,  based in New York City, bringing Peter and Jutta back to  where their love story began. Peter continued to thrive in his work, so much so that in 1986 he became Vice President of Swissair at their head office in Zurich. During the course of his 35 year career with Swissair his original goal of traveling the world was satisfied. He visited 49 countries around the globe for both business and pleasure.

Peter decided to retire from Swissair in 1991so he and Jutta could spend their time doing the things they loved most. They moved full time to their sanctuary in Deer Isle, Maine. There Peter sailed the waters with his wooden sailboat, skied and hiked, gardened and played tennis. He also pursued his dream of starting his own business. Together with a local lobster fisherman he started Sunshine Seafood, buying and selling lobsters.

Along the way grandchildren were born: Vanja,Minh Tien, Paris, Minh Tuong, Thuy Trinh, Ysanne, Ciara, and Ha Vy. Peter was a highly involved grandfather. So much so that he and Jutta decided to move to Portland from the Blue Hill Peninsula in 2005 to be closer to their daughter and her three daughters when they relocated from New York City. He nourished and guided his tribe throughout his life. Providing objective and tender wisdom he kept his family safe and happy. He was everyone’s moral compass. Peter lent a helping hand wherever he could, volunteering for hospice, working with the immigrant community through Adult Education and much more.

In February of 2012 Peter was struck with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. It came as a shock. Peter bravely underwent grueling, yet life saving treatment at MMC. He was under the care of Dr. Boyd, his dedicated hematologist, and Dr. Reynolds, his caring PCP. Thanks to the outstanding health team at MMC, Gibson Pavilion and the IV therapy team at Scarborough Campus, Peter received excellent care for which the family wants to express their deepest gratitude. Also to the circle of friends who enveloped Peter with love, supporting him and his family throughout turbulent times and to Hospice of Southern Maine for their caring guidance in the last week of his life.

Peter is survived by his wife Jutta Graf of Portland, his daughter Heidi Graf and her partner Ron Petrone of Cape Elizabeth, by his daughter Lan Nguyen Vu of Bern, Switzerland, his son Hai Vu of Zurich, Switzerland and by his 8 grandchildren.

Peter joined his son Mark who died tragically on October 10th, 2012. Together they are soaring through our universe - at peace and with endless love.

At Peter’s request there will be no services. According to his wishes we will gather for a Celebration of Life in early August. 

In lieu of flowers please make donations to MMC c/o Gibson Pavilion, 22 Bramhall Street, Portland, ME 04102

Tuesday, April 15th, 2014

Peter's journey has come to an end. He exhaled his last breath at 5:55 AM on 04/14/2014 with Heidi and me by his side.

I am thankful that Peter's wish to die at home could be fulfilled. One of the last things he was able to formulate was : "No more poking", meaning no more IV's, no more testing, let me be. Thanks to the medications Hospice of Southern Maine had given us, thanks to the expert and loving guidance of the nurses, Heidi and I were able to keep Peter calm and free of pain by administering them orally throughout his last night on this earth.

Peter died at the time of day when both his children were born, Mark in 1963 in Minneapolis and Heidi in 1965 in Milwaukee. Both arrived in this world around 6, in a different time zone, but  nevertheless at 6 AM.

Heidi and I sat for a while as the day began trying to grasp the inevitable finality, deep sorrow settling into us, stunning us with its pain.

At around 9 we called hospice. Annie, a nurse came and with her we washed Peter tenderly, put on his favorite shirt and the jeans he looked so handsome in, the colorful socks Katla had knitted for him. I combed his hair. I kissed him. He looked peaceful. His last act of courage was complete.

Peter wanted to be cremated, no viewing, no funeral but a Celebration of Life at some time in the future. He wants his ashes to be scattered in the ocean then. Paris, who is in Sydney, Australia requested we wait with that till she gets back the beginning of August. We will set a date and let you know.

Thank you for the loving support you have given us these past 2+ years as we went from hopefulness to despair. It helped keep us calm and gave us the strength we so desperately needed.

May the light of love be your constant companion.

Sunday, April13th, 2014

Last Sunday, after 5 weeks of steady decline, Peter decided to stop all treatment. Hospice is helping us as we care for him here at home. They delivered a hospital bed and all manner of things like a wheelchair, oxygen, etc. Heidi and Ron rearranged our bedroom and we put the hospital bed in the room so Peter could be close by.

Sometime back Heidi scheduled a college tour with Ysanne and at my urging they reluctantly left on the 5 day trip on Thursday morning. Ron left for a 2 week job in New York City although he also had misgivings.

Although each day of this week Peter had gotten a little weaker, he was still able to take a shower and dress with my assistance and even walked to his office to have breakfast, the only meal of the day since eating has become a chore. I thought his decline would be gradual and I knew that friends and Hospice would help me while everyone was gone. But then things suddenly changed.

Last night, after dozing off, I woke up at about one because Peter's breathing was belabored. He had 105.5 degrees F fever. Some of that might have been due to the fact that he was covered with a duvet but at any rate, the fever was dangerously high.  Unable to turn him to administer the suppositories Hospice had given me for such an occurrence, I dissolved 2 Tylenol tablets and thankfully Peter was still cognitive enough to swallow them with some water. It took 2 anxious hours for temperatures to return to normal.

Hospice gave me a kit with emergency medicines and talked me through various scenarios, so I also gave  Peter drops for anxiety because he was so agitated. It was a long and anxious night. At 6:30 I decided to call Hospice to ask for help since the bed was soaked and I was not able to change the sheets on my own. Plus I needed guidance from a professional. Because of some miscommunication and after another call a nurse finally showed up at 8:30. Together we got Peter comfortable. She confirmed what I believed was happening, that Peter was transitioning. She also told me about signs of pain since Peter can no longer communicate verbally. Fast and heavy breathing, furrowing of the brow, drawing up of the legs for instance, all of which Peter was doing during the night, are signs. Melissa got in contact with the doctor and she set up a schedule for morphine to be administered every four hours, more often if needed.

I called Heidi this morning. She and Ysanne were in Bennington, VT and they are coming back immediately as is Ron, who turned around after being halfway to New York. Ciara came at 9. I am grateful that we all will be together to support Peter and each other at this time.

In closing I would like to share with you what Heidi said to her father after he made the decision to stop treatment.

When you are a fetus and you are getting ready to be birthed, you have to have a lot of strength and courage to go through the process of being born. Thankfully you forget.

But when you are going through the process of dying it is very different. You are acutely aware. It is the last task you must complete. You have to be very brave to do this. It is your last act of courage.

P.S. Today would have been Mark's 51st birthday.