Peter's journey has come to an end. He exhaled his last breath at 5:55 AM on 04/14/2014 with Heidi and me by his side.
I am thankful that Peter's wish to die at home could be fulfilled. One of the last things he was able to formulate was : "No more poking", meaning no more IV's, no more testing, let me be. Thanks to the medications Hospice of Southern Maine had given us, thanks to the expert and loving guidance of the nurses, Heidi and I were able to keep Peter calm and free of pain by administering them orally throughout his last night on this earth.
Peter died at the time of day when both his children were born, Mark in 1963 in Minneapolis and Heidi in 1965 in Milwaukee. Both arrived in this world around 6, in a different time zone, but nevertheless at 6 AM.
Heidi and I sat for a while as the day began trying to grasp the inevitable finality, deep sorrow settling into us, stunning us with its pain.
At around 9 we called hospice. Annie, a nurse came and with her we washed Peter tenderly, put on his favorite shirt and the jeans he looked so handsome in, the colorful socks Katla had knitted for him. I combed his hair. I kissed him. He looked peaceful. His last act of courage was complete.
Peter wanted to be cremated, no viewing, no funeral but a Celebration of Life at some time in the future. He wants his ashes to be scattered in the ocean then. Paris, who is in Sydney, Australia requested we wait with that till she gets back the beginning of August. We will set a date and let you know.
Thank you for the loving support you have given us these past 2+ years as we went from hopefulness to despair. It helped keep us calm and gave us the strength we so desperately needed.
May the light of love be your constant companion.
9 comments:
This is so beautifully written Jutta i don't know what to say other than that.
Peace be with you-
love,
ally
Gregg and I are deeply saddened at Uncle Peter's passing. But we are comforted that our family is connected and supportive through this most difficult time. We send our dearest Aunt Jutta our love, now more than ever. And of course, the same to our lovely Heidi and her wonderful family.
Dear Jutta, Heidi and Family,
I am so very sorry for your loss. Peter was a lovely man.
While reading your blog I was struck by how all of you embrace living in the moment and really appreciate each other. It is such a wonderful gift but can be so difficult to achieve.
May your wonderful memories be the salve to soothe your pain.
Nicole Moreash and Yves Lalonde
Lawrencetown, Nova Scotia
For Peter:
blessing the boats
by Lucille Clifton
may the tide
that is entering even now
the lip of our understanding
carry you out
beyond the face of fear
may you kiss
the wind then turn from it
certain that it will
love your back
may you
open your eyes to water
water waving forever
and may you in your innocence
sail through this to that
Dear Jutta, Heidi and family
We are so sad to learn of Peter's passing. It seemed that he and, indeed, all of you left no stone unturned in your efforts to overcome his illness. Peter's effort cannot be imagined. Your support, Jutta, has been heroic.
I haven't had any information via the computer, for some time, as I've always depended on Ken there. His cognitive problems have now affected his use of the computer. Fortunately, Bill just went in to sort out Ken's e-mails and found your blog about Peter not doing well. When Krista arrived we went onto the blog site together and we learned of this huge loss for your family. We sat in tears. The world has lost a special person. Not only was Peter very accomplished in his career, and otherwise, but, perhaps most important, he loved and was there for his children and grandchildren throughout his lifetime.
We always greeted Peter's wonderful Christmas letters with anticipation and pleasure. We could see how proud he was of you, Jutta, and of his whole family. Since our boys, Bill and Mark, met at the Kloten sandbox, 48 years ago, we have seen the Graf family mosaic develop with love, adventure, achievement, courage and friendship. That mosaic will always be with you, to be shared and treasured. We hope that it will help you thru this very hard time.
Take especially good care of yourselves, dear Jutta, and dear Heidi. It is so important right now.
We send you all much love and tight hugs.
Rosalie, Ken, Nicole, Bill, and Krista
Liebe Jutta, wir sind sehr sehr traurig. Ursel und Ulrich aus Bad Nauheim 22. 04. 2014
Dear Jutta,
Paul and I learned of Peter's passing just yesterday. We are broken hearted for you and your family, and your many friends. We cherished Thanksgivings with you, and hope that the difficult days ahead will bring you some solace and peace. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and that we wish Peter the safest journey into the next world.
With our love,
Steve & Paul
Cambridge
Dear Jutta,
I am so sorry for your loss.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Joan Anderson
Dear Jutta and Family
With Great sorrow I learned about the passing away of Peter. He and I were Room Mates in New York, where we got transferred in 1958. I went back to Switzerland, while Peter decided to stay.
Last Year I sent you a DVD with some old Pictures of our Time together. I now understand that he did not answer because of his State of Health.
Dear Jutta -- my heartiest condolences and may Time heal the wounds in your Soul.
Gus Braendli, former Reservations Mgr. Zürich
gusels@hispeed.ch
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