Monday, November 5th

The phone rang at 7:15 AM on October 11th. Michael, Mark's best friend in Seattle, called to tell us that Mark had died the evening before. Peter, screaming in disbelief, called Mark's name over and over again. We clung to each other as grief washed over us relentlessly.

Mark and his Maria were on Lopez Island when Mark passed away. Michael and Bret had offered their beautiful retreat to them for a much needed 10 day vacation. With no internet, no regular phone service, it was one of Mark's favorite places and he had called Michael on October 10th to tell him it had been the happiest week of his life. To show their appreciation, Mark and Maria washed the windows. Doing so Mark fell off the ladder but was able to walk over to a chair with view of the ocean. A short time later he died. Maria told us that the last time she looked into his eyes the sunset was reflected in them.

Mark had an extremely low platelet count due to his health issues. His blood was not able to coagulate and he died of internal bleeding.

We got back from Seattle a week ago where we spent 2 weeks with Vanja, our 21 year old grandson, and Maria. Heidi came for part of the time. Her loving presence was of immeasurable importance to all of us as we tried to move through the days.

As the executor of the will Peter was extremely busy the whole time making sure that Vanja's affairs would be in order before we returned to Maine.  Needless to say it was hard work since he often was overcome with grief.

Mark had an unusually large circle of very close friends. They were stunned and grieving deeply, reaching out to us in many loving ways. All of them told us that Mark had been the most generous person they had ever met. One of the labs at Tideworks will from now on be called Mark Graf Lab or some such in appreciation of Mark's considerable contribution to the company. They will send us a picture once the plaque is placed on the door.

Peter and I are trying to come to terms with the inevitable. We are grateful to have each other, to be in the stillness of our home. We talk, we cry, we try to accept, we read the many thoughtful and loving letters and e-mails from friends and family near and far.

Our sweet baby.....

Heidi is back at her demanding job. I don't know how she copes. Time and again we look at a photo album together that Peter made for Mark. It was a gift for his 20th birthday, a review of Mark's life up to that point.  We smile tenderly at snippets of his life, our life together. She has mementos which she treasures. Heidi, Ron and the girls come over for dinners or we go there, taking comfort in being together.

Maria took a part of Mark's ashes back to Sweden. She made a memory quilt and put it in the woods by a juniper Mark particularly liked, at a spot that was special to both of them.

Vanja is packing up Mark's incredible collections of lucite, curios and art and putting everything into storage for the time being since he will be selling the house. Vanja is planning to come to Maine for Thanksgiving. Our hearts go out to him as he tries to accept his big loss and wish we wouldn't live so far away. Mark and he had a very close relationship.

........in Minneapolis, 2 months old

19 years old in Duebendorf

Mark and Maria on the ferry to Lopez

At the retreat on Lopez. Mark's 50th birthday would have been April13th, 2013

It isn't easy to find words to express our grief. Our memories of Mark are rich, our sorrow too deep.

Easter Sunday, April 8th 2012, the last time we were together with Mark. Peter had come home from the hospital the week before

This past Friday we did have some good news. Peter's biopsy results show that he is clean! we celebrated with a big fat Porterhouse steak from the grill and a Grand Crus '84 Saint Emillion. Peter's next bone marrow biopsy won't be until next February. I wish we could tell Mark..................

Sunday, August 12th

Two weeks ago, on July 30th, Peter and I had a quiet celebration for our 52nd wedding anniversary. Peter was still very weak and neutropenic, so we kept it simple.

The day began with us exchanging cards we had made for each other. To the left is Peter's.

The picture was taken at the reception in the basement of the church where we got married. To say the least, it was a simple wedding, not at all like what seems to be the norm today. But wait, there seems to be a change in the air! In today's Sunday Times there is an article about a trend away from $28000 weddings. Did we start that?











http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/fashion/the-reinvented-wedding-smaller-and-cheaper.html?ref=fashion

The card I made for Peter is a collage of pictures taken recently.

As Peter told you in his posting we got the fantastic news a week ago that he won't have to go in for round 4. A few days later we had a family celebration of this momentous news in the garden of a favorite restaurant, Caiola's.

Peter has been improving steadily. He is no longer neutropenic, hasn't been for almost a week and is starting to resume a more normal lifestyle. Last night we attended a wonderful concert of the Portland Chamber Music Festival which is in its 19th season and tonight we are going to friends for dinner.

We will keep you posted on any further news. Peter will be seeing Dr. Boyd on the 20th and has compiled a long list of questions, some of which she might be able to answer.

We want to thank you again for accompanying us since February when Peter was first diagnosed with AML and when he started the rigorous treatment which thankfully brought him into remission. Your loving support and encouragement has helped Peter and myself to get through this very difficult and demanding time in our lives. We both literally feel surrounded by a circle of loving arms. May your kindnesses be rewarded manyfold.

Saturday, August 4th

Normally I don’t like to go shopping but today I just had the most exciting shopping experience ever and I want to share it with you.

Here it goes:
As I approached the fruit display at the local supermarket I noticed Dr. Boyd putting some raspberries into her basket and kiddingly told her that she should buy fruit and vegetables at the local farmers market instead of the supermarket. She made some excuse and then told me that late on Friday she had consulted with Dr. DeAngelo at Dana Farber and they came to the conclusion that I do not have to go through a 4^th Chemo treatment since my bone marrow has responded so well to the previous ones. She scheduled an appointment to see her on August 20^th to discuss the future.

Dr. Boyd is not the kissing type, actually not even the type for unsolicited hugs so instead of doing that, I just let out what was probably pretty close to a Swiss Yodel, startling shoppers and then rushed home to share the wonderful news with Jutta. 

Jutta will update the blog over the weekend but I did want to share the good news with you right away.

Thursday, July 26th

Monday's blood test showed that Peter's platelet count was down to 5000, alarmingly low. As a refresher, a "normal" person has a platelet count of 150000 +. Peter received a bag of platelets immediately and his count went up to 26000 by Wednesday.

By now we are seasoned hands and  don't get overly alarmed when the blood counts spiral downward. We know what to expect. We even hope for a low count because it tells us that the chemo has done its job and has destroyed the bone marrow. By now we know that we'll be in a holding pattern until Peter's neutrophils get up to the desired levels again. He is taking antibiotics to ward off infections in this vulnerable time.

Jarrod from Rosemont Market had a special surprise for us today....lamb tenderloins. In spite of being wiped, Peter rallied and fired up the grill for this treat, grilling the meat to perfection alongside  local vegetables.

Our friends Bruce and Landis had arranged to have a case of very special assorted wines delivered from Rosemont Market today. Peter and I enjoyed pairing one of the wines, a full bodied Austrian red, with the meal. Yum! To Peter's delight Dr. Boyd feels it is perfectly wonderful for him to drink a glass of wine with his meals!

Since Peter is neutropenic [no white blood cells] since Monday, he tires easily and is out of breath at the slightest exertion. We keep visitors restricted to family, although even with them kisses are strictly forbidden.

Peter being Peter, he tackles this low point remarkably well, taking short walks, puttering around the garden and helping me with this and that around the house. I am in awe!

He also enjoys the frequent phone calls from his sons, Mark and Hai. Marie, his tart angel, and Jenepher, our neighbor across the street, have sweetened his life with their baked delicacies. Cards have trickled in, a book that an old friend from Deer Isle wrote.....Waltzing With Bracey...sent by Mary and Richard, e-mails and letters, all of this a balm in this hard time in our lives. And not to forget your regular posts on our blog which are deeply appreciated by both of us

Last Saturday, after 5 days of chemo, Dr. Boyd let me go and wait for the Neutrophils to drop in our beautiful home/garden rather than in the hospital. 

Jutta has been taking loving care of me and won’t even let me brew my own coffee in the morning – I don’t argue too much about being spoiled and enjoy it while it lasts. 

Jutta does however let me fire up the grill and we’ve enjoyed delicious dinners al fresco every single day. She is also putting up with my occasional grumpiness that seems to overcome me once in a while and for which I really feel very badly.




I expect that in a few days my blood values will hit bottom and then start climbing again as the bone marrow is producing new and hopefully healthy cells. Except for some dizziness, I am feeling very well and quite strong. For the time being I am trying not to think too often about the coming round 4 but know of course that it needs to be done and get it over with.

Today, Ciara and Ysanne, Heidis’ twin girls are celebrating their sweet 16 and we are all going out for lunch together. Afterwards we plan to take a walk on Ferry Beach.

We continue to receive so many heartwarming signs of love and support from family and friends and would like to thank all of you for helping us get through this difficult time, it feels so good to be loved. 

Sunday, July 15th

Dr. Boyd let Peter go home yesterday. Here he is around 3 o'clock, happy to have traded The Ballroom at Maine Med with our oasis filled with flowers and birdsong. It was a scorching hot day with the temperatures in the 90's!

In about 4 weeks Peter will be going back for a fourth round. It will be a tough one this time, but he is committed to face the challenge in order to stay in remission.

I spoke with the nurses and they reassured me that the treatment won't be as hard on Peter as the first round. He will lose his hair again though.

As we were leaving the hospital yesterday, I took a picture of Peter's constant companion, "Patient Pal". I can't help but wonder who came up with that name.

When we arrived at home, our friend Avy who had been visiting for a few days, was there to help us unload the car.

Peter wanted to grill hamburgers for dinner. We enjoyed his and Avy's favorite meal eating in the garden on that hot summer evening. As you can see the two of them were in no mood to pose with those juicy burgers on their plates!

As I am writing Peter is already sound asleep and I will join my beloved shortly. It has been an eventful week.

Here is my dear brave sweet Peter on Monday morning before going back to Maine Med.

We got up early so we could, for one last time before being sequestered again, enjoy our morning ritual of breakfast and the Times.

Monday evening Peter was hooked up to the 5 day continuous chemo treatment. He is an old hand at it by now.  Peter learned not to lie on the tube connected to the pick line in his upper arm while sleeping, thus avoiding the insistent angry beeping when the flow is interrupted.

We got good news and not so good news yesterday. Dr. Boyd will release Peter after the chemo is done this time around. He will be home as he spirals down to 0 neutrophils and while we anxiously wait for them to go up again. Dr. Boyd wants him to go to the lab to have blood taken 3 times a week to monitor his progress.

I am a little nervous. The nurses assure me that it will be fine. They feel we are amazingly competent and are doing all the right things. According to them, most importantly I need to monitor Peter's temperature, wash hands frequently and no visitors  other than family while Peter is neutropenic. Re washing hands: we silently sing the birthday song while washing up. Heidi taught me that. Apparently that is how long it takes to get rid of those nasty germs.

Now to the bad news. Peter will have to go back for a 4th round. Dr. Boyd feels he is doing extremely well and will be able to tolerate the third consolidation. It's a good thing in a way because it will ensure that Peter stays in remission. He is totally ok with it. What a guy! Well, he has the entire nursing staff rooting for him that's for sure. They continue to be uplifted at how well he is doing and how we are handling the trauma we were propelled into last February.

As I said earlier, Peter was admitted to Maine Med on Monday. The Penthouse was not available, but the charge nurse put Peter into what we instantly baptized The Ballroom, a huge airy room with window fronts on two sides, even better than coveted room 561.

That evening, after Peter was hooked up to his constant companion of the coming 5 days, we had an impromptu first day of chemo dinner party with our dear friends Mary and Peter. A bit over the top even for us, don't you think? It was the perfect thing to do though. Nothing is as healing as being with people you love.

Tuesday Ciara helped me cook lunch. We made

minced chicken breast on a tarragon cream sauce, baked herbed rice and a melange of sugarsnaps, carrots and parsnips. The sugarsnaps where from Heidi's garden! Ciara loves to cook and Peter loved having her there for lunch. I took the picture when Paris picked her up later.

Yesterday Peter's tart angel, Marie, came over with a wild Maine blueberry tart! Lucian went to the farmer's market at 7:15 that morning to snatch up 2 of the 5 baskets a vendor had. Needless to say we were in seventh heaven when we cut into it for dessert that evening.

I won't see Peter until late afternoon today since Heidi brought breakfast [ she alternates with Mary] and Paris just picked up lunch to have with her Opa. This gives me a chance to take care of house and garden and to run a couple of errands.

As always, thank you for all the good wishes you send our way. Be well and enjoy life!